Ola! I hope all of you are doing well from wherever you are right now. I’ll be back soon to share more of my travel adventures once I’m feeling better and now that our new home has got internet since last week actually, it would be much easier for me to update regularly.
It has been hectic lately.
With losing my one and only grandma last year, a month before my wedding while in the midst of preparing for marriage, losing my 2 beloved cats during honeymoon on Christmas and New Year’s Day, getting our new house keys and then painting it our own as we did not do any renovation works nor hire any painters, moving in and finally settling down and then I was down being sick.
But life goes on. People come and go and all living things will eventually die some day. I cannot be depressed as I know my grandma would not want to see me that way and I have to be strong for my mum. And besides, I was the one who told grandma that if it’s time for her to go even before my wedding, I want her to go peacefully and that I’ll be fine as long as she is not suffering. I don’t want to see her suffer.
It was after my cousins wedding in September, that she touched my hand, looked me in the eye and say in malay,
“Fatin dah kahwin. Nanti Nana pulak. Tapi tokmak tak tahu sempat tengok Nana kahwin ke tak..”
In english it means,
“Fatin is already married. Next will be you and I don’t know if I could make it to see you getting married.”
I knew this day would come. Coz I have been given alot of signs lately and that has taught me to stay calm. So as calm as I am, I placed my hand on top of hers and look at her in the eyes and say those words in Malay,
“Tokmak, jangan cakap macam tu. Tapi kalau memang dah sampai waktu Tokmak untuk pergi, Nana redha. Tokmak pergilah dengan tenang hati, Nana taknak tengok Tokmak merana. Sebab Nana tahu Tokmak boleh tengok Nana dari atas sana dengan arwah Atok Ayah, arwah Cik Kaya, Cik Mamat semua.”
“Tokmak, don’t say like that. But if it’s really time for you to go, I accept it. I want you to leave this world with a peaceful heart, I don’t want you to suffer because I know that if you go, you’ll get to see my wedding from up there with late grandpa and your sons, my 2 late uncles who are my favourites.”
She smiled and just nod her head. I hugged her and kissed her, with a tear rolling down my face as I sense that her time is near. And indeed it was.
2 weeks before she left this world, she was in bed, laying unconscious, never woken up until the day she let out her last breath. I had to travel back and forth between work and hospital, to ensure that she is always accompanied by someone. All of my wedding preparations was put on hold. But nonetheless I was more than happy and blessed to be given a chance to be by her side most of the time. And am thankful that my mum was strong too. My fiancé too gave me the unconditional support and was always there for us.
Then she left us. I felt it and somehow I was relieved because I knew that she is out of suffering. Seeing her for 2 weeks in a lifeless state hurts me more than anything else.
Last 2 weeks, I brought my family out for a short getaway to a nearby Island. And this quote is really a great reminder for all of us and of which especially, I have always lived on.
So to anyone of you who is going through a hard time, remember this,
The Good Side,
The Bright Side,
The True Side
Always look on the bright side and stay positive because a rainbow appears only after a sudden rain while the Sun shines.
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